I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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