that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
