dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
