I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
