Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can I color on your dick again?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
