My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
