remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
