Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
