Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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