I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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