He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
