how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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