why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
