he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize