So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
