Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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