She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
