Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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