you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
