You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
