Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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