We're facebook friends in real life
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize