i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will be naked everywhere
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
