Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
