Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
