I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are all done wearing pants today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
