i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
