spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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