We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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