When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this boner is exhausting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
