2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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