a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
