I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
