No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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