I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
