i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
