just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
