i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize