just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You ruined the universe
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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