Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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