why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
