remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
