The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
