I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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