He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
