I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
