how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
