My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
