i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
