Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
