xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
