i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
