so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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