I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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