We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
