I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
