I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
