So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
