Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
