I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
