look no pants
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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