Apparently you make a good broom.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
