Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is it fun? or sober?
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