Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
