So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
