We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
