Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize