Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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