were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My dick has a subreddit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize